Caring for our aging loved ones is difficult. Health problems, mobility issues, and cognitive decline all create dangerous and urgent problems. The eldercare industry would have us believe they have all the solutions- their heartwarming ad showing perfectly groomed, happy seniors interacting with helpful nurses- but my family's experience would indicate otherwise. This book chronicles our attempts to find a better way.
Mom had a stroke at 81. Dad was 90. My family was never very close- we had issues like every family- but we immediately rallied to the cause. Soon enough, my older brothers grew weary of the effort and returned to their regularly scheduled lives, leaving my younger brother and me, the only daughter, to take the reins.
In the seven years that followed, we explored a number of the "typical" care solutions;
home healthcare
companies, a
senior apartment
, more than one
assisted living
facility, and even
rehab
stays after hospital visits, only to find those experiences unacceptable, to say the least.
"If you want something done right, do it yourself."
So, we searched for less conventional ways to meet our parents' needs. Thinking outside the box allowed us to find better solutions, and both Mom and Dad were able to enjoy what remained of their lives.
Although this process was frustrating and even heartbreaking at times, it allowed me to spend more time with my parents as their decline softened their usually tough exterior. We began sharing sweet and funny stories, uncomfortably honest discussions, and even a few bitter confrontations, all of which helped me to better understand my less-than-perfect family, my parents, and myself.
A Daughter For Life is a memoir, a roadmap, and a cautionary tale, addressing issues of eldercare industry norms as well as family dynamics. May the story of my family's experience enlighten the choices of others.