Before the 19thC dogs were largely functional but have since become unsuitable and a vexation in urban areas, reaching almost a billion wagging tails. Governments fail to take their number and effects seriously. Humans have been deceptively led to believe, in a charade of denial, that dogs are our sentient best friends, when in fact they are 98% wolf descendants and not suitable for cities. I question and debunk the absurd notion of dogs as man's best friend as a bourgeoisie construct. They are not suited to highly urban environments, yet we fail to address their number, dangers, and effects on now curtailed human rights. Several million dogs worldwide are totally untethered, free to roam in a disgusting, shameful spectacle among our homes and streets, and to molest, fart, poo and fornicate wherever they stand, as well as bark, spread diseases, and in other ways infringe upon the safety and quiet enjoyment of human life. This prolific species requires culling, the mandatory wearing of underpants, and greater control in the context of a better world environment and human safety.