Harris Beadlesby is a man of culture. But he's stuck in England after accidentally assaulting a pensioner, killing her dog and blowing up a boat.
These things happen. He also needs to retrieve the world's most expensive clarinet which has been lost on an Alpine glacier. These things happen too. However, he lacks the common sense to find his way out of an emergency exit. Jessica Morriston knows little culture beyond salt 'n' vinegar crisps. But she's an expert hiker and fluent in German and French. They have five days to get that clarinet back to the UK, all while evading the Swiss police, French ticket inspectors and the UK Border Force. Plus, Jessica's attractiveness to a horny waiter and a very angry cobra. Are they heading for a grand finale or an avalanche of disaster?