You're searching for hardboiled private eyes? Go see Sam Shade, Flip Marlowe, or Mike Slammer. Should you desire a completely anal policeman, there's Adrian Schmonk. But if you're in need of a truly soft-boiled Private Investigator, you turn to me, Slim O. Wittz. I'm rarely in charge, frequently behind the eight ball, and seldom paid. In spite of all that, my case record is remarkably shaky. I'm one of them old-fashioned private eyes. Yeah, I'm a dinosaur, a shamusaurus, a tossback to the gumshoes of the nineteen thirties and forties. Dames? I prefer mine over easy-both my eggs and my women. Mostly, I investigate embezzlers, gamblers, runaways, unfaithful spouses, and the meshuga kind, too.