This book offers a sophisticated parody of modern physics. Tubal is a Bundal, an alien who speaks to me. Tubal (they do not have males and females) has disdain for humanity. Tubal is sarcastic, condescending, and mocks humanities' achievements in writing, math, and physics. Tubal claims everyone knows taste is the most important sense, not sight. One has to eat to understand reality. My work requires a strong background in relativity and quantum mechanics to grasp Tubal's many puns and sarcasm. My illustrations of space, time, gravity, and light are preliminary. This book provides an avid science-fiction writer a basis for new stories based on an aliens' revised physics.