You can't fix it. You can't rescue them. But you can disrupt it.
Every day, survivors of domestic violence are told, "Why didn't you just leave?" Meanwhile, the people closest to them-family, friends, neighbors, and employers-are doing far too little, far too late, or don't know where to start to provide support. This book is here to change that!
You Can't Save Us: What Survivors Actually Need from the People Around Them
is a bold, clear-eyed guide for those who think they care but aren't showing it in ways that matter or don't know how to show up. With compassion and clarity, author, keynote speaker, survivor, and prevention specialist, Melody C. Gross breaks down exactly how relationship abuse impacts every circle a survivor is in, and what you need to do to actually help.
Inside, you'll get:
Practical tools and strategies tailored for each role: family, friends, neighbors, and employers.
First-person survivor accounts that reveal what support looked like and what it didn't.
The ABCs of Disruption, a powerful framework to disrupt the cycle for good.
Rapid-fire Q&As after each chapter to address the questions you're too afraid to ask.
Whether you're showing up for someone you love or trying to create a safer workplace or community, this is your guide.
If you've ever said, "I didn't know," "It's not my business," or "They keep going back," this book is for you.
Because survivors don't need your pity. They need your action.
You can't save us. But you're not powerless. Now's your chance to show up authentically, safely, and empathetically.